[Personal] Confusion and Distance

Its been nearly a month since my last blog post and I haven't been doing well. I've been working a little bit more and while it isn't excruciating work it isn't without the usual fatigue. I also have been having issues with a social life.

While I've moved for over a year to a new state, Its harder to make those lasting friendships that matter. I don't have many events that pull me into a very active social life than I had in my previous life.

I find it hard because I always feel like I'm leading a double life!
I know that since my move, I've changed, for the better? I can't say. I know that emotionally and mentally I am stronger and I can deal with confrontation much better than before.

My social skills instead of improving has almost completely deteriorated and I no longer use my exceptional vocabulary that I was so great as using when I was leading an active social life.
Simply put, I use small elementary words.

I really hate what has happened to me, and I've been holding this all to myself but really being that I don't have friends. I left someone that I deeply cared for in another state who seemingly looks like he's moved on. I never verbally confessed so I guess he's the one that got away, right?

I also am in the process of convincing my family members to move into a better location and hopefully a bigger space. Everything is hard when you're talking to someone who simply doesn't accept change willingly. I don't understand the fear or the hesitation behind moving or changing into something that might possibly be something better.

I don't expect to gain anything from blogging but I had hoped this would be like therapy for me. While I'm full of confusion I hope this will help air out some of my feelings. I know this isn't a beauty post or review of any kind. I hope I can get my normal state of mentality back so I can get back to doing the things I love.

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